Hey, did everyone (at least here in the US) have a nice holiday weekend? We did here, except I do have to question the sanity of hosting a Fourth of July family barbecue while at 37 weeks. All those icy beers being passed under my nose – oh the agony. Then there were the next two days spent on the couch willing the swelling in my hands and feet to go down. Plus the added fun of constant Braxton Hicks contractions which I wanted to either slow the hell down or turn into something meaningful already. SHEESH.

And with that graceful segue, let’s talk about the current status of this pregnancy, because at this point it is filling every brain cell I have. Except for those cells occupied by thoughts of ice cream. I think a lot about ice cream. (Where mah husband at? I think it is time for another Rita run)

Last Tuesday I had my 36-37 week appointment. I was pronounced, yet again, “big” for not quite 37 weeks. Plus it felt like I had a lot of amniotic fluid, maybe more than I should. Fantastic. I didn’t know about that, but I knew my belly was very different this time…it’s high, tight and round (there’s a joke in there somewhere, but I can’t be assed). While the pilot fish moves a lot, I’m not getting the really painful elbow, foot and knee flailings I did before. Parts of my stomach feel very sore and overstretched. If you tapped me just the right way, my belly button might just possibly explode like an overripe cantaloupe. Or that Violet chick from the first Willy Wonka movie.

After the appointment, I was summarily trotted off for my quadrillionth ultrasound to check on size and fluid levels. And maybe look at the tire pressure and brake pads. As the tech commenced measuring the head, I merrily joked that I hoped this boy wasn’t the overachiever his brother was in the melon department because, HOO-BOY, I didn’t need to spend my post-partum weeks sitting on that amount of catgut again. I watched in horror as the numbers (measured in weeks) raced past the size for 37 weeks and settled around 40 weeks, 4 days. With an estimated current weight (with three weeks to go!) pronounced at around 8 lbs.

And then I blacked out.